$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
