Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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