moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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