we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
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Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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