how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
