covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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