I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
