I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
