please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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