Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
