please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize