You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
