with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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