is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Every concussion has its silver lining
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
