have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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