Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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