My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
