your room smells of hookers.
And success
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
