my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
