I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you