i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
