i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
