Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dating After Heartbreak
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?