I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high