Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar