On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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