I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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