Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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