dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
