It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
