some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Everyone says I win the strip club
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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