you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
