you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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