Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
