I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I cut my penus on the lid.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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