His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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