new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the day after is always just damage control
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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