Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Terrible idea I love it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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