I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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