I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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