actually, I'm a sock model
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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