so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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