I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
