Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
