woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
