I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
