Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
