He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
