I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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