My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
