She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
