Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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