Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
