literally had 100 drinks last night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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