dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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