Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
