So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
