i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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