we made out on top of his cat.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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