Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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