we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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