If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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